The Speech to UN Delegates

The Speech (to UN Delegates)
 
Written By:  Sean Patrick
(Posted November 2013)
Introduction: This is a speech I gave in January 2012 to a group of 20+ UN delegates that were attending a conference in my city.  It was so well received that I was asked to give it again the following year.  The delegates had never heard of the possibility of change before and it bolstered their resistance to the radical ”gay” agenda in their countries. 
 
I feel so much joy today that it makes me forget my how bad it once was for me. But I succeeded in recalling those days in order to make this speech today.  My motivation for seeking therapy was that being “gay” was causing a lot of anguish and unhappiness in my life. I felt nervous and anxious around men.  I felt like I was an outsider looking in. Never fitting in anywhere ….with men in general or among “gay” men.  I felt lost and without purpose or direction. Often I felt depressed, like I was in a deep black hole with no way out. 
Sexual encounters with men only made things worse. It didn’t satisfy what I was looking for.  I didn’t even KNOW what I was looking for. I needed to find some way to be connected with my gender, somehow.  So after being sexually active with men for years, I tried reducing my sexual encounters with them, but I was stuck on Gay porn.  Occasionally I would still act out with men. I disliked this attraction but I had hit a wall. I couldn't go further.
I needed to approach this psychologically, to see if that would reduce the unwanted desires and if I could become healthily connected to the world of men. A chance at some peace and happiness within.  I started therapy with Floyd Godfrey.  I was excited with what he thought was possible for me.  But being the natural skeptic, there was this kernel of doubt, but I also believed in Floyd who suggested reading books on Same Sex Attraction (SSA).  There were so many things that spoke to my life in those books.   So much rang true to my experience.  Once I understood the “whys” of SSA, the walls came tumbling down.  I even sensed the beginnings of opposite sex attraction that I recalled from my youth, which somehow got buried by my SSA.
I learned that generally there is no one cause for Same Sex Attraction (SSA).  They are like many  strands of a cable with different causes bound together.  We started by exploring my childhood.  I had a loving Father, yet he was an alcoholic, which lessened full communication with him.  I had  a Mother who criticized my Father to me a lot more than she should have, causing me to  separate and lose respect for him and cling to Mom. But most of all I had an extremely critical brother who squashed any self-esteem I was struggling to obtain.
So when puberty came along, I was a prime candidate to be attracted to men in an attempt to somehow obtain masculinity and acceptance from them. Those feelings quickly became sexualized.  In my 20’s, I began acting out with men even though I was not public about it.   However, maybe I actually was somewhat public because I went to Gay bars and cruised the parks.  I just never accepted it as a good thing and had no sense of "Gay Pride."
In my therapy, we explored what issues set off my sexual attraction for men.  I admired muscular men and wanted to be like them, so I was attracted to them.  If men could pay  attention to me and make me feel special, I had a need fulfilled.  Sex would be the ultimate form of acceptance from them…..or so I thought.
I learned the attraction itself was common, but I didn't need to sexualize it. Envy seemed to be the outstanding issue.  I was taught to face my fears so I decided to join a gym again and confront my envy problems.  When I saw a well-built man, I would approach him in non-sexual ways, introduce myself and shake his hand, get his name and  remember to call him by name the next time I saw him. I would ask him about his workouts and praise him for doing a good set.  Surprisingly to me, they would also compliment my workouts and achievements.  So I accomplished two things:  I de-mystified men, and thus desexualized them, and also got some badly needed male affirmation.
The more I did this, the more I felt like one of the guys. I was also amazed to discover that all types of men like to receive affirmation just as much as I did.  So I began to feel I was truly giving while I received and this made me feel happy.  The more I did these things, the more I felt secure in my own masculinity.  I began to feel my self-esteem rise. I felt I really could be liked and accepted by others.
In my religious community, I would stop and chat with the men and their wives and play with their children.  I knew I needed to make this effort to connect and it paid off because I felt accepted and liked by them.    It meant a lot to get acceptance from men with whom I shared the same values.
I began to notice that my sexual attractions to men were lessening.  I was getting my same -sex emotional needs met without having sex.  Now, I really don't have the desire to go there, or even look at gay porn anymore.  And even if that desire still existed, I wouldn't risk all the progress I have made bonding with the men in my life.  I am enjoying that too much!   My sexual attraction to men is gone!
I also learned that I must maintain my healthy relationships and activities with men.   I worked a lot on maintaining long-term friendships.  In the past, I feared that once they got to know me they wouldn't like me.  That feeling is gone. I know I have value to others… and to myself. 
This old bachelor is cautious, but the idea of  marriage is growing stronger every day. My sexual attraction to women is also very strong.  I am doing a lot of dating to find the right one to spend the rest of my life with.  Now I know it is possible to move on with my life.  When I look back, I see how I had isolated myself spending so much time looking at porn on the computer. Now I feel so free and connected to the people in my life.  I belong!
I couldn’t be happier now.  I am so glad I had the choice to make use of this therapy.  My concern now is that others will be denied their right to make a choice. I sincerely hope that choice will always be there for other SSA men as it was for me.
Thank you for listening.